Obsessive-compulsive disorder tends to project itself into those segments of life that are very important to the person facing it – health, safety, morality, religiosity, sexuality, and also partnership according to www.ellenstarrmarriagecounselling.ca. Obsessive-compulsive implies that a person doubts the quality of the relationship, constantly questions their feelings about the partner, the partner’s feelings towards him, the partner’s and personal attraction, adequacy, and the like. Certain reviews naturally accompany each partnership. However, partner OCD implies that this process is irrational and very burdensome for day-to-day functioning. There is a sense that the partnership, which has been a symbol of security and harmony, becomes the trigger for almost daily elevated, overwhelming anxiety. There is a need to analyze every detail of the connection to the smallest detail, which leads to negative conclusions almost every time. Also, this is accompanied by constant seeking reassurance from partners and other close people. This form of OCD is encountered equally in both sexes.
The important point with a partner OCD is that it is not caused by the relationship itself, but by thoughts that stem from certain beliefs about the relationship and the partner, as well as the significance and meaning attached to them. It is expected that every one of us occasionally goes through these thoughts. However, when we attach great importance to them and allow them to overwhelm us again and again and influence our behavior, they become obsessive.
With partner who has OCD, obsessive thoughts are most commonly encountered in the form of the following questions:
“What if I don’t really love my partner enough?” How do I know I love him so much? ”
“What if my partner doesn’t love me enough?” What if I’m not attractive to him? ”
“What if our relationship doesn’t have a future, should I break up as soon as possible?”
“What if I had a better relationship with someone else?”
‘What if I never stop questioning my partner’s past / appearance / intelligence / behavior?’ ‘
Another important element in developing and maintaining a partner with OCD is compulsions. Compulsions refer to any action taken by a person to reduce anxiety, the effect of which is immediate.
In the case of partner OCD, the most common forms of compulsive behavior are:
Seeking reassurance for negative assumptions from partners and others familiar with the details of the relationship;
Compulsive reading of articles and literature on what a successful relationship entails;
Rumination about all the details of a relationship – nothing is ever good enough (see rumination for more details here);
Mental check, or re-examination of one’s emotions;
Compulsive trusting of loved ones;
Avoiding situations that are thought to be the trigger for obsessive thoughts – for example, avoiding conversations with friends about their relationships (because they would be a trigger for comparison), discussions about having sex with a partner (because they would be a trigger for rethinking his / her personalities and past), watching movies where partnerships are idealized, and so on.
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